Sunday, November 8, 2015

The Gun Show - The Next Part of the Story

I mostly write about professional events, productions, and upcoming projects in this blog.  But occasionally I use this space to write about things that happen at the intersection of the professional and the personal.  I've written several posts about my play "The Gun Show" -- which more than anything else I've written, falls into that category.

_____________________________________________

I've been thinking about writing a companion piece to "The Gun Show."  The idea has been in my head for a while... percolating in my subconscious, alongside several other play ideas.  I think there's something to it.  But the other day, as I chatted with my director friend Kevin Fox about possible projects we might work on during an upcoming writing retreat, I decided against working on "Gun Show, Part 2..." and felt a sudden and overwhelming sense of relief.  I didn't want to go to the sad place again.  Not right now, anyway.

I want to be happy.

It feels pretty amazing to write that silly little sentence.  But it's a testament to the profound effect that writing "The Gun Show" has had on my life that I *can* write it.  Because for the last twelve years, since my husband died -- since my husband killed himself -- I have understood that I don't deserve to be happy.

It isn't that I've been sad all this time.  Not exactly.  And I've been reasonably productive.  I'm a hard worker.  But any time something good happened -- a production or an award or a trip to some place pretty -- my inner voice would warn me against enjoying it too much.  My husband was dead.  I wasn't allowed.

It's been half a life, and I got tired of it.  I got tired of myself.

So I wrote "The Gun Show."  Which is a theater piece about guns and gun control in America, but one that had a role in helping me come to terms with my husband's death.  It was time for me to open up that box, and deal with what was inside it.  The play has had four productions in the last year and a half, and has three more in the works.  And as I come out the other side of the writing and performance of this play that is more than a play, I am beginning to realize how much I'd like to ditch my inner voice.  I'd like to stop checking myself every time something good happens.  I'd like to not be alone anymore.

I want to be happy.

And I guess that I'm maybe, finally, ready.

Now... to see if I can figure out how.

###

18 comments:

Peter said...

<3

Eliana Angella said...

I have been intending to compose something like this on my site and you have given me a thought. Thanks for sharing this kind of post.
Hostgator Coupon Hope so you will visit our site.

Arjun said...

Thank You for sharing such a great information!! Acer Customer Services

rahul said...

great post Epson support number

Ramjas said...

Nice Post.
AOL Customer Service

mohan said...


Thank You for this post.
Microsoft Windows 10 Support

JORDAN MARRY said...

I like the above shared article very as it is very important to us. Thanks for sharing this article with us, keep updating us.

Dell Customer Service

Kamlesh Tyagi said...

Good information in your post. windows tech support

Raghuvindra Rathor said...

Your blog posts are more interesting and impressive. I think there are many people like and visit it regularly, including me. I actually appreciate your wonderful blog and I will be sure to come back here again to see such great post.Yahoo Support

Ramjas said...

Awesome post, keep it up! Hotmail Customer Support Service

Laxman Pratap said...

amazing post Hp customer support number

Rajnesh Nathu said...

We provide solution regarding Ms office product. If you need any assistance regarding it than visit us. ms office 365 installation support number

Tech Support said...

It's very informative Blog, it's more helpful to us thanks for sharing keep it up!!! Firefox Customer Care Number

Tech Support said...

It's very informative Blog, it's more helpful to us thanks for sharing keep it up!!! Internet Explorer Support

chrome support said...

I really like the information present in your post, it is very informative and it is very helpful for us. Chrome Customer Care

Anonymous said...

I concur with above point. You are such a not all that Chandigarh Escort Services terrible creator. I need to begin at now bookmarked your space for share everything over.
Jaipur Escorts Service

Ramjas said...

This hookup app is in fashion nowadays and getting very popular among the young generation. The HAPPN app helps us to find the casual partner for spending some quality time. Hookup Apps

canon tech support said...

thanks to share.